Its so hard to say goodbye...

or is it?

this is my desk. cleaned and empty and ready for its new resident. I walked out of the cubicle/office I called 'mine' for the past 4.5 years and felt nothing. No sadness, no regrets...which is rather shocking because I'm such an emotional person. I can't remember ever walking away from something without that feeling. I've come to believe and accept that my season for that job is over. And I'm very happy that I am able to move on with an undeniable peace and graciousness.

There were tons of lessons learned. A wealth of experience gained. Lots of people I've come to love just like family and memories that I can reflect upon in the upcoming possibly lonely days of the new chapter....

This, by the way is how the new chapter will look...here is our new 'home' beginning a week from today!

Enjoy your weekend...I surely will!

smooches!

Bad Hair Day...

So I gave flat twists another try. Not sure why, but I wanted something different to do with my hair today and I didn't feel like washing and dealing with soaking wet hair in the morning. So after reading another blog and participating in a online discussion where flat twists came into discussion both times...I decided to revisit this style.

Here is how it looked last night:

I wet my hair lightly. Went in shower and allowed slow water stream to run, primarily wetting ends so that I could detangle and comb my hair without pulling any hair out. I was careful to not get the hair soaked because I knew it wouldn't dry by the morning. I used Shea Moisture Shea Butter leave-in, applied to my entire hair and divided into sections for the twisting...

Here is what I ended up with this morning. I was like ehhh. It wasn't bad but it wasn't quite what I wanted. Granted, there were some areas that had awesome definition and I WILL be trying this again in another couple months but I think between my length and the humidity, my hair quickly lost a lot of the definition and just puffed up in little pods. I tried to do a lil something with it and called it a day.

I kinda wish I didn't pull it back- but I needed to tame it a bit for the office. With me joining the world of being a full-time student, now I can rock more of the un-tamed styles...

My husband DID NOT LIKE IT! He literally exclaimed "Your hair looks stink!" (another Bahamian colloquialism which should be pretty self-explanatory). I guess this natural journey has really strengthened my backbone because a year ago a comment like that from someone, especially the love of my life, I would have burst into tears but I shrugged it off, looked in the mirror to make sure I was ok with what I saw, then packed my bag to leave for my last day at work.

btw: He did call me later to apologize for being so harsh.

I'm sure it could have been worse....:shrugs:

smooches!

She's beauty and she's grace...

she's Miss Universe!!!!!

so the picture quality sucks but that's a whole 'nother story. When randomly discussing the pageant, before I even knew I was going, I was told (false assumption) that guests wouldn't be able to take their cameras inside so I left mine in the car only to discover that we (audience) were actually encouraged to take pictures, make noise, etc... oh well!

So in a fit of desperation - I can't go to Miss Universe and not have pictures to show off...I took these with my crappy Motorola SLVR...yea. no zoom. no flash. just hold my hand really really steady and take pictures.

The most exciting part of all this wasn't the dressing up, nor being at a live show..but the fact that we were in Section 3, to the right (and only 5 rows) behind the BIG DON! yup. I could see that famous toupee from where I sat, without even stretching my neck. :giggle: OK. so I could also see the runway and everything that went on also! There were a couple times the camera turned our direction and I pretended to be thoroughly enjoying myself (big smile plastered on my face) as I sat upright to stand out in the crowd...but according to my hubby (who sat home and watched looking for his wife), I apparently never made it on t.v.! All great fun though!

So here I am...before the event as I modeled for my hubby...he has to make sure I'm 'fixed' before I leave the house. lol. Because it was last minute, I kept the braids I started on Sunday and used a spray bottle with water to wet it so that I could have more definition. Well that didn't work, even after being under the dryer for 15mins, my hair was soaked and it was 5:15pm. I needed to be ready for 5:45-6:00pm. So I jumped in shower, cowashed and then left the conditioner (Herbal Essences Hello Hydration) in my hair. I scrunched dry with a towel, tied head band and was ready to goooooooooooooooooo.

smooches!

Destiny demands Dilligence

"Persistent people never take no for an answer when it comes to their visions."

Dr. Munroe goes on to explain...

"Many people lose because they quit when life says no the first time, but persistent people win. They never take no for an answer when it comes to their visions."

~ taken from The Principles and Power of Vision by Dr. Myles Munroe

Even though you may be going through a season of tests, dryness or confusion: keep on knocking...keep on pushing...keep on pursuing until you get to your goal.

I know I am!

smooches!

Lessons learned...

Look at that fro! Never again will I underestimate the time, energy and skill it takes to sport a tight fro. Here is mine as I went to church last night.... and I thought it was a hot mess because everytime I looked in the mirror at the back, I saw that it wasn't.....well fixed. It wasn't even or clean all around.

Well this post isn't all about fros...its the lessons learned, the things I never realized about natural hair or caring for natural hair until recently. Its those things that probably makes most of our childhood experiences quite...hmmm unpleasurable when we think of our hair experiences 'before-relaxer' days!

What I learned:

• I should NEVER comb my hair dry....that is unless it was already detangled and not sitting for any long periods of time. i.e. even this morning as I attempted to braid up my hair, I had to part into sections and then using my spray bottle damp my hair before trying to comb through (and detangle again) before attempting the braids. Why is this? well first of all, despite popular belief my hair is curly..its just the curls are uber small and thus they get tangled very very easily. So its not a matter of hard vs. soft hair...(any hair can be soft if its properly moisturized), its just that us black women with 4b (coily/springy/cottony/kinky texture) has to be more careful about how and when we try to rake a comb especially a :gasp: fine-tooth comb through these tresses. So to create my fro style, I also damp my hair with a spray bottle before using the handy dandy afro-pik!


• I should NEVER try to run the comb through my hair from root to tip. Now this may sound like a given, but I can't tell you how many times, even when my hair was relaxed and I had new growth that I would try this method. Its just not the method of combing for anyone whose hair has texture. Its definitely better to begin at the tip and work backward to the root.


• I should NEVER try to comb my hair all at once. Another 'given' but I've done it and seen others attempt also. Now most times, we attempt with a wide tooth comb but even that can be detrimental i.e. pulling out hair unnecessarily. its best to divide and conquer. the smaller the better. The exception may be trying to create the aforementioned fro. But by the time, I'm creating the fro, my hair is already detangled and the divide and conquer session was already done.


• I don't need to comb my hair. Now this is not me being nasty or any other derrogatory term we use for people who don't comb their hair. Becuase my hair is still under 10 inches long, my fingers are excellent detanglers. Furthermore, now that I'm natural, not every style I need a comb for. I remember the first 3-4 months after I cut, my hair never met a comb unless I was experimenting with a style at home.


• Water is my friend! I was the queen of washing my hair ONCE per month. If it was a good month, maybe twice...but never more than that. Somehow I became to believe that washing my hair was of the devil. Well, its not the washing or the water that could be bad- its the ingredients in certain shampoos. So now I wash my hair whenever I please (once, twice or every day per week) but very rarely do I use shampoo and if I do use shampoo, its a sulfate-free product and I alwasy follow up with a conditioner. When I wash without shampoo, I use conditioner (any old cheap one I can find) and I use that to lather/scrub my scalp. who knew huh?


• Water is my friend! no, this is not a mistake, I meant typing that twice. not only is water helpful for cleansing purposes but water is moisture. Moisture = happy, healthy and soft manageable hair. I also prefer how my hair looks when its moisturized. It has more definition (i.e. curl pattern), more sheen (cause my hair doesn't shine naturally) and like I said...I just like how it looks.


• Everything that claims to be a moisturizer -isn't. Now there are some technical parts of this explanation that I don't feel quite fit to explain but let me say this. Stuff like grease, pink oil moisturizer that contains either mineral oil or petroleum only sits on the top of the hair shaft and makes it feel greasy. But this isn't beneficial to the actual hair. :shrugs shoulders: I've chosen to just avoid these ingredients whenever possible and try to use products that are water-based and ingredients like shea butter, aloe vera gel and some natural oils (coconut, safflower, olive, tea tree etc...) in attempts at moisturizing in my hair.

That's all I can think of right now! and besides, I have to go get ready. I just got offered a FREE ticket to the Miss Universe Pageant being held in t-4 hours. As I mentioned, I actually braided my hair because we (hubby and I) were supposed to go to the beach, now I have to find a dress, hope that the braids make a cute, well-defined braid out and just get all purty for this event! woohooo

smooches!

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Last night, I attended a get-together hosted by my Pastors (pictured above) at Hard Rock Cafe to say "see you later".

I recently became a part of a new ministry birthed from an already existing ministry in Lakeland, FL. This lovely couple is not only my spiritual leaders but also friends and the parents of our (Dayton and I) beautiful and feisty god-daughter, Micah. I respect, look up to and love them a whole bunch. I love their vision for our church and I cannot wait to see how the ministry develops over the years. I try to avoid using the term 'church' because for me its so...so...hmmm used. Its taken for granted. Yes, we, the people, are the church, but when I refer to church I sadly think of a building, so I prefer to refer to TLC as a ministry...which is simply: us [the members] coming together to support, uplift and encourage each other while being used by God to glorify His name and fulfill His purpose for our lives (corporately and individually) daily!

So last night, we ate, laughed, poked fun, sung and even danced with the Karaoke at Hard Rock Cafe and had ourselves a blast! Here is Miss Micah. She's brilliant, adorable and a dancer. A two-year-old after my own heart. Here she is posing for the camera because we just put on our lip gloss and was officially ready to begin our night!

so my first of a couple 'goodbye' dates. I'm looking forward to spending time with special people in my life although its kinda sad since I'll be leaving for lil while.

smooches!

Check Check and Check!

Ain't that sweet!

Obviously my list wasn't as short as Spongebob's above, but I'm definitely where he is at---I think I have nothing left to do!

I am on the ball and rolling!

What is done:

• Electricity and water utilities set up (7/25/09)


• Gas set up (needed for heater and stove) (8/18/09)


• Cable and Internet set up (8/19/09)


• Confirmed date of move in with landlord

Only thing left to do is get on the plane and move in...well that's from the Canada side. Tying up loose ends here...I still have to:

• Sell my car


• Pack up the apartment


• Get the US Visa (appt already confirmed)

and I think that's it...Hubby already suggested that I not make selling the car a requirement before we leave. He knows me well. I am obsessive. So I have adjusted my thinking and its my hope to have the car sold but I accept its a chance it may not happen in time.

All-in-all, I love getting things done. I'm a list maker, a list keeper and an overachiever by heart so NOTHING brings me greater pleasure than right now that I can lean back in my chair and go over the mental list and realize that we are well on our way!!!!

smooches!

You Were Born to Rule!

This song has ministered to me over and over in the past week. I find myself just singing pieces of it...when I really think about the words of this song I can't help but smile.

Who am I to worry about...finances, job situations, anything?! I'm a joint heir to the kingdom and with that status comes many opportunities and blessings. The King of King lives in me. I am royalty!

sooo with that said- I speak life to you. To that situation you may be struggling with. To the fear, discouragement, to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy...to broken relationships and most especially to those dreams deferred and fighting to come to life!

YOU WERE BORN TO RULE!

smooches

MUDDASICK

OMGosh......... I can barely believe it. In 15 days, I'll be in Canada and another chapter in my life would have begun...

....and I'm seriously ready to take on the world!!!

photocredits: post-wedding photo shoot with Mr. Andrew L. Newton, Nassau, Bah.

My husband called just as I began typing this and his sentiments were similiar to my gasp...he merely said one word that summed up a whole lot of emotions:

"Muddasick!"

which for those of you non-Bahamian readers is local colloquialism which is usually used in those "wow" or "unbelievable" moments we experience in life. It's connation can either be positive or negative but is usually just an expression. I have no clue where it came from or even how it came about, but it relays the message clearly!

side note: I was looking for images to go along with this post and came across the cutest, most adorable little girl and her facial expression very literally echoed mine when I realized how little time I have left...I'm assuming because of privacy rights I can't post the image here...but here is the link.

smooches!

Summer cleaning!

Words cannot explain this MESS...in our spare room

but I will try to explain the mess so ya'll don't think I'm a natural slob. In fact, my husband often likens me to the USA character Adrian Monk because I tend to be obsessive about many things including cleanliness. The first pic shows my husbands work of art...his clothes: shirts, pants and ties (not sure if they are clean or dirty/whether they fit or need to give away) but they are all over the floor. The closet with our bags/unused stuff kinda got out of control over the past year as I never really go there to 'organize'. and finally my books, just kinda shrewn in their lil corner. :sigh: BIG MESS

2nd pic...is all me. My suitcases to start packing and the winter clothes that I took down to put in those suitcases. You can also see my lovely ab-roller. love this thing. and actually this room is my exercise haven. the fan is sitting in the middle of the floor because my stationary bike is usually there...along the other wall (not shown) are my free weights. ;)

AFTER about 3 hours with my IPod...

What you can't see:

1. the alphabetized DVD collection in the large container

2. winter clothes packed in the suitcase, weighed (to ensure its under 50 lbs) and ready to goooo

3. 'extra' stuff including books, clothes and other random things put in various bags for donations

4. (2nd pic) shoes and clothes put in a place that won't make the room look junky

5. the 2 large suitcases along the wall: one will be taken with me and already is packed. only waiting to launder linens before that bag is complete. the other bag will stay here in my mother-in-law's house with 'stuff' that we don't need to carry but aren't throwing away/donating.

so that was my Saturday. I'm off to wash out my deep conditioner...what did you do today?

Enjoy the rest of the weekend....smooches!

Selah

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.

Now put foundations under them. ~Henry David Thoreau

I've got a ton of dreams...or "castles in the air" but they need a foundation. My pursuit of this doctorate is both a castle and a foundation for some other castles. It's easy to dream, but when it comes time to do the work and sacrifice needed to put those dreams in motion it gets a bit harder.

Things aren't how I imagined or planned they should be with only 27 days before classes start and I know this is all a part of process...that will make me a better and more patient person with greater but I can't help to worry even though I know better. I was just reminded that worry is a burden God never intended us to bear....if only for today, for this moment, I will walk away from worry and continue to work toward putting a foundation under my castles!

smooches!

Fears: Allayed or Increased?

"So, I am left to give you some advice that sounds reasonable, though is totally made up. First, it will be useful for you to bring your undergraduate statistics text with you when you arrive in the Fall. It is often times still warm here in September, thus these textbooks can be used to prop open windows or doors to promote good ventilation. Additionally, I think it is useful to brush up on some basic concepts and vocabulary, such as measures of central tendency, variability and relationship (eg correlations). In addition, it is helpful to re-familiarize yourself with the concepts of hypothesis testing, probability and type 1 error. While we will review many of these concepts, the review will be short and chaotic so it will behoove you to take some it on yourself."

This quote is taken from the introductory letter addressed to all incoming grad students preparing to take the Statistics class. The first 2 paragraphs before this were quite humorous and relaxing as was a bit of this blurb...In actuality my professor sounds like a cool dude who has a sense of humour - my guard will not be lowered until after the first week!

btw: I did buy the extra Stats text that was suggested by my mentor AND I'm pecking along with my review but I'm still waiting on ...

the proverbial light to go on, signifying that I actually understand this topic of variability! Any math or statistics gurus out there? I can use some help making sense of this stuff.

Oh! The first installment of my scholarship was paid so my balance is lower...makes me breathe a little easier.

smooches!

Meet the Family!

Here are a couple pics from my brother's wedding this past weekend 8/8/09. As I mentioned, I worked hard but it was for a worthy cause...I would go to the ends of the earth for my family. We just that tight.

the crazy lady/day-of-coordinator, taking a moment...literally one second (I had already started walking) to pose for the camera!

the family! I have two immediate families. The people here are the ones who I shared the same roof with from my early teens until I left for college. We are the modern day Brady Bunch except we put a lil island twist on it. l-r: Ashlee (little sister), Keith (step-dad), Me, Vernard (groom/little brother), Deann (his beautiful bride), Cindy (mommy), Brently (older brother). front row: l-r Keith Jr (little brother) and finally the diva Keiani (little sister).

me still working...trying to make sure those pics are perfect!

and finally, the lovely couple!

smooches!

UGH

Last week, amidst the regular weekly events and baby steps toward getting ready for this big move, I also helped my brother get ready for his wedding. The work really kicked in on the day of...and although I wasn't hired to be a day-of coordinator, I played the mess out of that role! (if I can toot my own horn) of course, as with most weddings, there were fires and I busted my butt, to put them out before we needed the firefighters. So that was my Sat and I spent Sunday trying to recuperate!

So an update...I booked our tickets.....AGAIN. yes. I made a booboo and waited too long to contact the US Embassy about getting a new VISA so when I finally got around to call the earliest appointment was the day before my scheduled departure. cutting it close...yup- a bit too close, considering my passport is kept by them until the following afternoon because of course, the VISA is printed in the passport. my flight on Thursday the 4th is/was scheduled for 1pm and I was told to expect my passport to be ready between the hours of 2-4pm (on the 4th). Obviously not.gonna.work

So I had one sleepless night-literally-where I weighed my options and realized its better for me to change the flight and pay whatever difference and get my VISA now, rather than run any risks when I arrive in Canada. I don't need a US VISA for Canada, but if I want to travel anywhere in the USA from Canada, I'll need a VISA. Its a long story, but a quick summary: I got married last year. Changed my name legally. Got a new passport to reflect the new name. VISA in old passport which is now cancelled. There is a CHANCE that since the VISA is not expired that I can travel on it with sufficient documents however, I've travelled enough to know, I don't ever want to depend on chance...so apply and pay for a new VISA is the best option for my current situation.

So yea. both tickets, for hubster and myself, are booked. woot!

I'm losing a dying battle to review for Stats. Didn't pick up the book for more than 10 mins in the past week and a half and its because most of the words/symbols look like French to me. I have never studied French, never went to a French-speaking country and the only word I know in French is goodbye, which I can't even spell so that's why I just said it in English. LOL but seriously, I need someone to help break it down for me, if I'm going to understand it or a book that's more user-friendly. I spoke with my buddy and she suggested a book that helped her, in fact, she's still using it as she writes her Masters' thesis. I checked out the book and I'm definitely interested in giving it a try but its more than $40 and honestly, $40 on a book that's not a required text is a bit of a luxury....although, paying $40 on a book which could possibly help me be prepared for an advanced statistics class may be priceless...:shrugs: we'll see what I decide to do!

The scholarship response I was not waiting for (but still secretly waiting for)---well it seems like that may be cancelled, for everyone. So my new goal is to find at minimum $2k that I can pay directly on the tuition. I do have a graduate assistantship and a school-based scholarship that covers the cost of tuition but its not all given up front and I would prefer to have it covered before classes start; not a must but a wish.

and then...last but probably the most important...I'm beginning to have minor panic attacks. nothing major, but increased heart rate, stomach flutters etc. It's fleeting and usually only come one when I'm talking to someone about the move or when I begin to think about the dreaded Sept 28th date. Remember I mentioned purchasing tickets, well mine was a one-way, but my husband's ticket's return date is for 9/28 and I swear I was two steps from an all out crying fest yesterday as I cooked and thought about it.

I'll share some pics tomorrow from the wedding this weekend.

smooches!

Selah

means "think on these things"...


Without going through the crap of life i.e. "process", character cannot be formed in us... and if we lack character, how can we successfully move through life? It's through character that we can fully operate in fulfilling our God-given purpose! (drawn and rephrased from The Principles and Power of Vision by Dr. Myles Munroe).


my wish is that I could live in this....

or even this?

ALL. THE. TIME....

and screw process! ;)

first pic: Savannah Sound beach, Eleuthera Bahamas; second pic: Ten Bay, Eleuthera Bahamas

smooches!

been M.I.A.

I took off for two days and visited the beautiful island of Eleuthera, Bahamas. the first day I spent with the family where we all (6 adults; 4 teens; 2 children & 2 babies ) were huddled in a 2 bd/1bth house. yes I said 2 bedroom house and think cottage more than house. In retrospect, I really wish I took pics of the sleeping arrangements because we actually had a mattress laid out in the kitchen on one night!! The house reminded me of stories/movies I've heard about showing the plight of immigrants in a new country.

All-in-all, it was seriously FUN! I think each of us appreciated the freedom and quietness of the settlement in our own way. My grandmother, aunt and mom found solace on an old wooden bench under a massive tree. The teens and kids (except babies) literally lived on the beach and are now about 3 shades darker...and I, well I enjoyed a little of everything.

Eleuthera, is literally a 15 min flight from Nassau and is my 2nd home. My mom and her siblings were all born and raised there (early years) in the small settlement of Hatchet Bay. I hope to live there one day...before retirement. In fact, my dream to start a residential treatment facility for emotionally distressed adolescent girls will be housed on this island. Its quiet, gorgeous and close enough to Nassau and S Florida for me to get the 'city' life when necessary! I visit at least once per year- usually for work related stuff but from time to time, DH and I get there for small weekend getaways.

Back to this trip: I love bonding with my cousins...especially when they are younger and I'm still 'fun'. By the time they get to the tweens (9-12) - I'm no longer interesting and of course the teen years are worse because I'm simply unrelate-able (if that's a word). So, the highlight of the family times was my playing with my 17- and 7- month male cousins. here I am 'bonding' with the elder of the 2 babies present. He is an active, curious and sharp little onewho developed a certain fascination with my camera ;)

smooches!