...what do you do?

I'm tired ya'll.

Sadly, I didn't realize it (or admit it) until someone at church asked me how I'm doing. If I'm happy. I go on to talk about Daelyn Grace, being a mom, adjusting...she nods and then asks again. I'm like yea, thinking to myself that I just explained all this. Then she clarifies,

"Gia, I mean aside from your role as mother. Aside from Daelyn. How are you? Are YOU happy?"

And then I stopped. 

I had two choices. To answer a quick yes with my trademark smile. Or to really think about it and give her an honest answer. Because our church is built upon authenticity, building real relationships, and "doing life together"- I chose the latter. And what I admitted, surprised even me.

"I'm not sure if I'm happy. I mean, I'm okay. but....I'm....tired"

:gasps to myself: As I process this, I realize that this isn't only physical fatigue. Nor only emotional. Its everything. I'm getting to *that* point, that time where I need a break or will break. :( I promised myself last time that I would be better about taking things in strides. Resting regularly (physical, emotional, mental). But now as I think about it..the things that I do to rejuve have been hampered a bit by life.

reading (novel) in the middle of the night while/after I've nursed baby (not a good new habit at all).
quiet time (prayer, bible reading, dancing, listening to music, meditating) sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes in the morning but most often nothing...or at least not as much.
watching a good [holiday] movie (sigh) well, the tv belongs to hubby and as long as there is something sport-related on and believe me, there is ALWAYS something on, I either watch that or watch online.
getting a pedicure, salon visit insert giggle here. yea...last pedicure was probably Jan 2013. :/ car challenges
being involved in church (corporate prayer, worship, fellowship) car challenges
spending time with family and friends my saving grace. Because I've been car-less, I've had to rely heavily on others and simultaneously, I've also gotten quite a bit of time with family. However, I've had no time with hubby without baby. gee, to think of it, no time with anyone without baby. 
talk therapy (or writing/journaling) my blog has become my journal. I have people to talk to but I personally hate always talking about my "problems". Writing helps in cases like this or when the person you talk to does not understand [men are really from another planet than us women ;)]
me time...car challenges 
exercise ... :) no excuse since I've got a stationary bike but I've been dying to get outside and walk.


So, that's my list of activities that I find  rejuvenating, restful and helpful to add balance to the crazy of life.

Where are you? tired or at rest? What activities do you have to unwind, rejuvenate, or rest?

As you can see, my life isn't quite where I would want it to be. But I understand this is for a season and because of that, I'll continue to thug it out. It's important to recognize though (especially during the hustle and bustle of this joyous season which also culminates the year), that fatigue, whether emotional, mental and/or physical, has implications for you. For me,  when I get tired, I get easily irritated. Less patient. I experience physical pain/discomfort. I get more emotional/needy, as my love tank drains faster. Overall, not the most pleasant person to be around.

So I need to rejuve. I'll have to settle for watching holiday movies online. Reading when I can...and possibly finding some new ways to rejuve and rest given my new conditions (another person to care for, no car). Afterall, life is about adaptation. I mean really, we either adapt or we die, eh?

Join me in first, taking stock of your physical, emotional and mental well-being. Then, ensuring that you are regularly engaging in activities to balance and maintain overall health.

Grace, peace, love, and rest,
Gia

life lessons

I'm a firm believer in walking away with something from every season. As I mentioned last week, it has been an interesting couple weeks. As I sat, congested and feeling empty to blog, I reflected on what I am learning...or have learned:

1. "Later" is a reasonable time expectation

I'm a now girl....With that said, a week is what I was hoping it took to get the house where I want it to be.  And in all honestly, I'm guessing that I *could* have moved and had the house set up perfectly in a week but there would have had to been a bit more conditions first ( not pregnant, not working 2 jobs, both hubby and I taking time off, etc etc). However, what I've come to accept is that I can't change those conditions, but I could change my expectations. This meant, recognizing and accepting that it may be the end of June before the house is where I want it to be...and probably mid-July before baby girl's room is where it *needs* to be for her arrival. Slow and steady...


2. No matter how well you multi-task, there is a limit and once you have arrived at the amount of things you are juggling, you. just. can't.

 ...You just can't do anymore. At least not do all and be effective. With that said, I had high hopes for data collection during these summer months BEFORE baby arrives. But with the internship, the part time job, the move, the pregnancy...and just life. Something had to give. I've been able to make feeble contact attempts but the key word is feeble. I've given up on chastising myself about it. It is what it is. It will get done. Maybe just not before baby comes...

3. Life doesn't ever stop for me (or you).

....I must factor in stop points. Points of rest. Breaks. These should be done regularly. It should also be more than just sleeping at night because truly, for the true multi-taskers, overworker, crazed personality...sleep isn't always resting. This past week, I have found myself sitting on a chair and just staring into space. One part of me is going over the list of things left to do but physically and emotionally, the bigger part of me knows it wil be okay. And so I am slowly learning to actually sit and do nothing (fascinating concept indeed).

4. Being pregnant, I can't move as fast as I think I should.

....this must be a "duh" for most but its a lesson that I am fighting to get. Yes my belly is growing but it doesn't stop my legs, hands and brain...right? partially. I keep comparing myself to every other pregnant person out there, thinking...I can do this. The trick is: yes I can...but it all boils down to #1...I can do it "later" or in smaller increments. le sigh

5. Say "no"!!!!

...this final one is most interesting. A couple years ago, I began the journey toward saying no to others in an effort to protect myself. Healthy boundaries and the like. What I am learning is that I now have to say "no" to myself. I must learn to choose what is more important, more beneficial, more ________ and go with that.

Perfect example was my plan for today: wake up, do some laundry, blog, go to doctor, go to work (put in 4 hours), go to lamaze class (leave early) to make it to church's anniversary service for 8pm.  After a closer reflection of the insanity of this, primarily because I'm still kinda tired and congested, I decided that: laundry could wait (to be done by hubby) but I could possibly still blog, definitely go to doctor, and then stop in to work to collect something I could do from home (IF I felt good enough). And that is what happened with the addition of the fulfillment of the antibiotic prescription. I then came home and ate, took antibiotics and then napped. This also meant me making a very difficult decision: either lamaze class or church or neither. But not both. Thus far, I've ditched lamaze class in hopes of making the once per year special service but we'll see if I even make that. I should note, that I haven't looked at work brought home (and making myself be okay with this) and am now just finishing blogging since I began at about 9 am. ;)

Did I mention that saying no to myself hurts even more than learning to say no to others. sucks actually.

Grace peace and love,
Gia

babymoon

That's apparently what vacation before a baby (during pregnancy) is called.

So apparently, that's what we just took. It was lovely. Rest and blessed are my reflection words from this past week.

It started out two weekends ago with a trip to Kansas City to visit the in-laws. Wish I took pics to show but it was an overall nice time. Hubby got some past due quality time with his dad and sister (and step mom) and I got some no-work, no-internship, no-dissertation, no-any-kind-of-responsibilities time.

What did I do? Other than spending time with the in-laws, eating and a bit of shopping, I got enough time to become fully acquainted with all those cloth diapers that was gifted to me (last week's post). I figured out (well, I think) how to use them, got some sense of what else is needed and then somewhat created a plan of action for this new adventure! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I'm nervous yet excited about it.

On the final day, we ventured outdoors, it was literally the first time in 4 days, that I left the property. And what girl can't appreciate this- we went shopping and we got a ton of goodies for the little miss from her grandparents. So much so, that it is imperative now (with all the gifts thus far) to take inventory so that any future baby gift selections are not giving me toooo much of the same thing. I think I've officially got enough receiving blankets.

On Wednesday, we jet-setted to Eastern USA and spent another 3 days, this time just the two (or three) of us. What I was hoping to be more of a chance to be tourist in the US capital city, didn't quite pan out but no disappointment here. There is always another opportunity. Besides, I've got an awesome group of women that live in the area who I love getting together with, so that's always a bonus when visiting that part of town.  The highlight of this part of the babymoon other than some awesomely cool deals and alone time with hubby...was the maternity shoot. One of those awesome women I was talking about is a photographer and we got to spent 2ish hours with her. It was a blast.
It was also cool that the location she selected was in the park between the Capital building and the other monument...on the National Mall. Up until now, I'd only seen these major landmarks on tv. uber cool indeed. (pictured above. not mine)

All of the photos from the shoot aren't up yet but the "teaser" is....take a look. Maternity Shoot with Valerie


Grace peace and love,
Gia

that word again....?

This past weekend, I had the honour of facilitating an all-day workshop.  When I first received the invitation, I will admit, I was overwhelmed. I kept thinking I NEEDED another speaker/professional to split the day or assist because it was unfathomable that I could keep a group of individuals interested for an entire 8 hours. And then, not only interested but facilitate learning too! :gasp:

Anyhoo, I eventually got over myself, prepared and executed the workshop.  However, after the successful workshop, my body just crashed. I felt like some big machine rolled over me. I was confused and honestly a bit freaked out. Yes, I am 4 months pregnant (snuck that in there), but how many pregnant women are on their feet all day for at least 5 days a week without this intensity of almost nubbing pain. Its not like we were running about. There was no activity outside of me walking the room as I engaged the 15 or so attendees throughout the day.

So why did I feel like I ran a marathon or at the very least walked a marathon?

I talked to Doc about it on Monday and she confirmed that some of that is expected, but also due to some pre-existing conditions that this pain may be exacerbated with certain activities. This meant one thing- my body dictates the rules of how/when and how much of an activity I can take. To minimize the chance I create a problem, hydration and breaks are now not just suggested but required. :insert deep sigh here:  Yes, I know these things but my goodness, is it really that serious? a resounding yes it is!

As I shared my struggle with these new found limitations with a friend, I realized that this is a part of life. We change positions. We change conditions. With these changes come adaptations. And as much as I'd like to think- I am not superwoman. Yes, I can continue to push but with the awareness that I am still human and subject to some limitations...As I was talking and reflecting, it then hit me again...that word - REST.

my response: But I've had this lesson before Lord! For those of you who regularly follow this blog, you would have shared my journey in being called to REST in a number of different situations. I don't recall any being related to my physical health, but then again, I didn't have a growing human being inside of me either (not that this is the only time we should have healthy times of rest and rejuvenation).

Well, all is well that ends well.  With that said, my goal is to ensure that I do everything I should to ensure that this story ends with a bouncing, chubby and healthy baby. Even if it means I (gasp) slow down a teensy bit!

side note: This post is delayed because its been super crazy and since something needed to give, this ended up being the one to delay...

God I look to you

On Monday past, while I was thinking of all God has done, I couldn't help but fight the thoughts of what was still left to be done. I felt myself getting a bit twisted (code for stressed), so decided to shift back to my help. my source. [btw: I guess the emotional roller coaster from last week isn't quite done.]

I spoke out loud..."Lord I am looking to you and I will not allow myself to be overwhelmed."

With the declaration of that statement, this song came flooding back to me and I burst into song. For those of you who have NOT had the privilege to hear me sing, count yourself blessed! :) With the singing came the peace. Oh I long to live continuously with that sense of peace. Call me what you like, but I'll take peace over muscle spasms in my mouth (clenching & grinding my teeth) and/or shoulder aches that burn anyday.

Whatever the situation, whatever the calling --no matter how BIG....know that He is our rock (Psalm 91:2), He is our strength (Psalm 28:7/Isaiah 12:2), our peace (Ephesians 2:14/John 14:27), our joy (John 15:11). He is the God most high. We can put our belief, our faith, our trust in Him, knowing that He won't ever leave us nor will He let us down.


Grace peace and love,
Gia

Come to the fountain

Monday was a hard day. Not because of any one event...but it seemed it was just the cross-section of a lot of "stuff".  It was somewhat of that overwhelmedness that I talked about a couple weeks ago in this post. The funny thing is, when you are tired, weak, broken...then everything becomes a big deal. For example, the fact that my pants was tight around my waist was thoroughly annoying all day and somehow I started on a "I'm fat and out of shape" cry. Without going through every item that seemed to weigh in on my consciousness, just know that the list I referenced  is almost 80% done, which is a great sign of progress, but as is with life, and sometimes my personality, the list just never ends.

By the end of the day, I had nothing left. I was near tears driving in the car with my husband and realized that I did not want to get to that ugly place. I went home and decided to not do anything...that required any consciousness. So I watched tv all afternoon. Had a fairly okay evening just doing nothing and then woke up with yesterday morning, a bit more rested, with this song on my mind.

I decided to have quiet time a bit differently yesterday morning and just played this song (repeatedly) and surrendered the day and all it entails to God.  This was my way to gain "control" of my day. I decided that it was not going to mimick the previous day even though the same list of to-do's remain with even closer deadlines. As I sat with my eyes closed, the scene from the previous night's series premier of The Closer came to me. A teen was accosted at knife point by a very sick serial rapist/killer and he was instructed by the star (Kyra Sedgwick's character) to not struggle. To not move. To allow his body to go limp. Now this kid was quite familiar with this movement due to some unfortunate life circumstances but in that action of complete surrender, he was able to sliver out of the grasp of the one who threatened his life. I thought about how this can be so applicable to my situation. The more I toss and turn, the less rest and peace I'll experience. God invites me (us) to just find our rest in His arms. When we feel life's concerns overwhelming us, we should allow our body, and more importantly, our consciousness, to go limp in surrender to God.  Allow Him to come into the circumstance and just drink from the streams of life and be refreshed.

"All who are thirsty

All who are weak

Come to the fountain

Dip your heart in the stream of life

Let the pain and the sorrow

Be washed away

In the waves of his mercy

As deep cries out to deep (we sing)"

Come to the fountain, I'm already there! Psalm 42

Grace peace and love,
Gia