it's been too long

So I'm still alive.

In the last post, you got how VERY pregnant I was and my new found need to be grateful in the small things. Although painting my toes was a huge deal. lol

Anyway, the past week has been quite interesting. I learned that my little alien is really a chunky monkey with a really big head. I also learned that because of this, what we could call "natural" delivery is a challenge and since then, there has been tons of conversations as I prayed, sought counsel and just tried to "be" with this reality. The "reality" is that having baby via c-section is, according to doctor, the most ideal scenario.

To this end, roller coaster is probably a great way to describe the past week. I'm not opposed to c-sections but I was not prepared to have one personally. Even though D-day (i.e. the day that Daelyn arrives) could be less than 24 hrs away as I'm to be admitted into hospital tomorrow morning with the sunrise, I'm okay with it as an option but still not okay with it...if that makes sense.

Without belaboring the point that probably have no relevance to many of you who are reading, this post is about two things:

1. To officially let you know that I'll be on baby sabbatical beginning now and

2. To just encourage you to know what you want in life. That's an odd point to make and leave so I'll expound a bit before saying adieu.

Because I knew what I wanted as it relates to this pregnancy and more importantly to the labor and delivery experience, I was able to advocate for myself. As my doctor joked yesterday, apparently I read too much. Essentially, even though it was quite scary to say so---I was able to stand my ground and say "slow down, not yet".

For those who don't know me personally, I'm not one to ever question or rebel against authority. I'm a rule-keeper (as compared to my hubby who by nature seems to be a rule-breaker or at the very least a rule-challenger). So with my doctor, who I trust, suggesting...almost requiring one course of action - this put me in a very precarious situation as I said.."not yet". I asked for time. And although she wasn't happy- I got the time I asked for.

During that time, I read, prayed, consulted, prayed, talked...yea you get the point. I found peace with a decision and I'm proud to say, this decision is based on my original desires and has been accepted as a viable course of action for me by the doctor.

For some of you, this process may have been easier...but this was a big step for me. Advocating for my own wants. Somehow it tends to be easier for me to do that for others but I'm proud that I've made this step. However the cookie crumbles tomorrow, I'll know that I didn't just go along with a recommendation or suggestion without question. I took time to question, seek counsel, think, pray...I then challenged and found a happy medium!

As you go about your day tomorrow, send positive thoughts and prayers my way on my D-day!

Grace peace and love,
Gia

What's your story

I was having a conversation with friends from church and a number of times, the comment was made "that's not my story" or "that's not gonna be my story".

It made me think. This kind of statement wasn't necessarily in relation to the "big story", which is more of what I've talked about on this blog...you know, your legacy. It was more of the day to day experiences.  For examlple, I will not suffer with high blood pressure just because everyone else in my family does. This means we must take responsibility for our actions.  However, what it really tapped into was the fact that we have authority, through the power of our speech,  to accept or reject what is put before us. 

For those of us who are Christians, the Bible tells us that "life and death is in the power of the tongue". By virtue of our speech, we are creating (or destroying) quite a bit of what we experience in life. How does that look? For most of us, it means we either are so oblivious to this authority that we say nothing at all and just accept what comes our way or we are so caught up in the discourse of the rest of the world that we speak doom and gloom (death) upon our situations.

Nope. Now that's not gonna be MY story.

I shall speak Life. Hope. Restoration to every area of my life. I shall be different and unapologetically so.  I shall fulfill the small and large dreams in a timely fashion, if necessary, breaking glass ceilings of time, gender, race or age. I shall not settle for what typically happens, when I know what God has offered to me if I just ask and accept it.

Most salient at this point, I will not be like everyone else who has gone before me who took 2 years (plus or minus a couple months) to complete a dissertation. THAT's not gonna be my story. I'm not superwoman, nor will I submit anything subpar but I will complete this project and be ready for graduation for 2014. The journey un-officially began in Fall 2012, but technically the time clock probably won't begin until February 2013. At this point, my goal is June 2014 for graduation. I understand that there are some curve balls in life (which I am currently experiencing) so I'm willing to accept Fall 2014 graduation but I will be done with everything and just sitting and "waiting" by summer 2014.


There are other areas that I realized that I've been silent on. You know, I bought into this idea that since it is how it worked for others (or the masses), that it was how it should work for me. Nah. I'm taking stock in a new way and assessing those things that I've just thought to let be...

I'm boldly declaring, that's NOT gonna be MY story.

Grace peace and love,
Gia

when things don't go as planned

This week has been challenging. Between the normal busyness, physically and mentally, I have also been a bit beat.  I had to accept that one of my goals just was not going to be realized...well at least not in the time frame that I had planned and it was quite the disappointment.

What do we do when life doesn't go as planned:

1. Acknowledge. It makes no sense to pretend disappointment doesn't exist. Or that the unachieved goal or thwarted plan has not impacted you. It happened, it hurt....now what?

2. Grieve. It sounds dramatic, especially since we normally associate grieving with death, but it is an accepted process that when individuals are faced with significant disappointments, it is natural to grieve.  This is not the pity party..."oh life isn't working out for me. Nothing ever happens good." blah blah blah...this is a time (that goes hand in hand with #1), where you can acknowledge that your goal was not attained and the fact that that sucks.  For me this week, I grieved and battled feelings of failure, disappointment and sadness.

3. Reflect. What are the lessons learned? Nothing happens by chance. It is usually a product of our activity or lack thereof. What could have been done differently? This is, once again, not the call to wallow in what should have been but I am a firm believer in that our past holds the key to our future. We must acknowledge, understand and accept what has happened in order to truly move forward as a more informed person. Remember: Reflect not reside.

4. Regroup. Here we are moving forward. My friend, Path Coach Kaylus, would say seek clarity on your next steps by identifying questions that need illuminating.  Some of my questions:
Do I want to try the same goal again in light of current circumstance?
Is it worth it?
Do I still want "it"?
Is this the right timing?
Is there another way to go about this?

4. Redefine. In this step, I identify the new goal. The "new goal" could be the same goal with different parameters. Different timelines. Different sources of help to achieve.  To truly redefine, I will incorporate the lessons I learned and the answers to my regrouping questions so that I can carve out a plan for moving forward that is practical, relevant and attainable.

Talking this through to you, has helped me. I was stuck somewhere between step 3 and 4.

Oh! I should note, if you are at this stuck point because of failed or unrealized goals/dreams and cannot move through these steps alone, definitely seek coaching.

Grace peace and love,

Life as a puzzle

Every now and again, purpose would slap me upside my face and I'd smile because I realize this is a part of me emptying myself so that whenever it is my time to die, I know I would have fulfilled what God placed me on this Earth for.

So you may be asking, what exactly does "purpose slapping me upside my face" look like? 

It looks like my original plan for my dissertation being too big and my first draft falling flat. 

It looks like me taking a step back to my original plan and remembering that I wanted to explore life as an "orphan". 

It looks like me getting an opportunity to do some volunteer work (learned about this in November) with girls who are orphaned and me being over-the-moon excited about it. So excited, I was like..."why didn't I think of that"?  

It looks like me asking myself and then God, why is it that this group of individuals pulls to me the way they do. 

Then it looks like, a friend suggesting that I work with her to potentially counsel orphans (got this request last week).  By the way, the friend knew nothing of the changes to the dissertation which came in November, neither was she aware that I will be volunteering with this group for another project next weekend.  She just thought of me as an ideal person for the task at hand.

It is not by chance, or even not by my own doing that all of these opportunities are presenting themselves. This is purpose slapping me upside the face. I'm still waiting on the full "understanding" from God about the extent of my involvement (now and in the future) with this group of individuals. I've been even wondering if this is the direction for Mercy House (not first time I've had that thought either).

I love when it happens like this...just like the pieces of the puzzle of life coming together. Some people say they don't know what their purpose is. I believe that if we take 2nd and sometimes 3rd looks around us, we can see how our talents/passions can make a change.  We can also see how we are drawn to certain things, people or groups. Somehow, like me, it just so happens that multiple opportunities present itself over and over and so you find yourself doing something that you enjoy, and never actually pursued it. That's purpose slapping you over the head.

I was so taken with this post on JeremyStatton.com this morning, that I decided to just redirect my readers there....(click title below for full post). For me, the last bullet points (white background) just made my heart scream "YES!"

Excerpt taken from the post To die is to live. Enjoy.

"The point is to be fully alive.

• To focus on doing the things that will matter forever.
• To understand the value of time and stop wasting it.
• To silence distractions.
• To focus on relationships.
• To realize that some risks are too important not to take.
• To stop worrying about failing and to start doing.
• To love because in the end, there is nothing else."

Grace peace and love,
Gia

God I look to you

On Monday past, while I was thinking of all God has done, I couldn't help but fight the thoughts of what was still left to be done. I felt myself getting a bit twisted (code for stressed), so decided to shift back to my help. my source. [btw: I guess the emotional roller coaster from last week isn't quite done.]

I spoke out loud..."Lord I am looking to you and I will not allow myself to be overwhelmed."

With the declaration of that statement, this song came flooding back to me and I burst into song. For those of you who have NOT had the privilege to hear me sing, count yourself blessed! :) With the singing came the peace. Oh I long to live continuously with that sense of peace. Call me what you like, but I'll take peace over muscle spasms in my mouth (clenching & grinding my teeth) and/or shoulder aches that burn anyday.

Whatever the situation, whatever the calling --no matter how BIG....know that He is our rock (Psalm 91:2), He is our strength (Psalm 28:7/Isaiah 12:2), our peace (Ephesians 2:14/John 14:27), our joy (John 15:11). He is the God most high. We can put our belief, our faith, our trust in Him, knowing that He won't ever leave us nor will He let us down.


Grace peace and love,
Gia

wasted life?

Losing my life doesn't scare me; wasting it does.

I saw this status post on Facebook about a month ago and have since adopted it as a signature for my email.  It called to me because (again), at the heart of the statement of this idea that each of us has a purpose and life is only fulfilled when we are aligned and living on purpose.

It's Monday. What plans do you have for the week? What does your to-do list look like?

Have you carved any time for pursuing purpose? That is of course, if you aren't already living and working in your calling. If that's the case, then continue to press on.

For me, I guess this week is working toward getting the first draft for my dissertation completed. It's not the ultimate but it's a huge step toward the ultimate.  It is a fight though...I've been finding myself in a bit of a funk related to this project but I will not lose sight of the end...it is near and I've just got to continuing pressing.

Other than that, my to-do list looks devoid of anything "important". Maybe I'll carve some time to develop that idea about the Girls Conferences that I mentioned last week...

Tell us about anything exciting, life-altering, inspirational that is planned for today or this week.

Grace peace and love,
Gia

Fear Factor pt 2

Tabby waking up from nap

In part one, I introduced you to Tabby...the cutest little love bug of a kitten you would find. And I'm (or was) afraid of her. :sigh:

I also began telling you about my personal challenge to tackle my fears as I am presented with them...this was why, I  didn't object when my roomie asked if getting a cat was okay. I was like "sure". Definitely. I even hooked her up with a friend who was fostering kittens and encouraged the adoption 100%. Needless to say she was shocked when she saw my reaction to the cat (see post here for that hilarity).

Now personally, I know myself. I knew my tolerance for cats...we can coexist in the same space once the cat stays as far as possible away from me. It's okay to pass by me, sniff quickly and go about your business but friendly interactions are a no-no. But of course, I chose to not say anything.

This was my chance to do two things:
1. To not rob my roommate of the opportunity to have her own pet to love on (and keep her company) as Ari does so well for me and
2. To face this dumb fear and overcome it.

I mean seriously. They are cats. Tons of people have them as pets...maybe not many Bahamians (or apparently Nigerians) but it is an unfounded, irrational fear. I've never been hurt by one and don't know anyone who has (except Schantal when she did something dumb, but then she still loves them). On top of that, why should I allow something this insignificant to impact my peace of mind (when we happen to be in the same space). Not to mention, this is a huge deterrent for visiting friends.

As I reflected on the what this step meant, I realized that too easily I (we) allow really insignificant, unfounded, and irrational beliefs about people, things, goals to hinder us from living fully. This experience made me really think about what other "things" am I so afraid of, that it is hindering me.  Fear of failure. Fear of being embarrased. Fear of the unknown. Fear of loneliness. Fear of discomfort. Fear of what people will say or think. Fear of failure (hmm did I say that already? yes it's that big).

The TRUTH of the matter is, unlike Tabby's quick agility, fear is NOT innate to us. We were not born with it. (2 Timothy 1:7) It is not God's will for our life in any form. We are called to be in authority, walking in peace and love.

Even if you aren't a Christian- Is life REALLY that much better, that more fulfilling, when we live in fear just going through the motions of a dull comatose routine tucked away in some form of a shell, when there is so much out there to conquer? This formerly "scary" girl will be the first to say: I'll settle for the comatose routine when I'm dead.  I've got dreams. I got plans. I've got the world to conquer and I'm running hard and fast after it [Shout out to P. Mery ;)]

You know how some really random things people say will stick with you for years? Well, it was bout 11 years ago, my then roommate Tiffany challenged me.

 "Gia, how do you know what happiness feels like if you've never felt sad?". 

It was one of those conversations which grew me up. I'll never forget it. And yes, sadness and fear are two different things, but the principle remains, how do you know what is fun, exciting, thrilling, heart-pumping if you are laying still and doing nothing? We only know darkness because we have experienced light. We only know hurt/rejection, because we have tasted, glimpsed..experienced love.

I asked you about your fears last week and now I want to challenge you to face 'em. Not all at a time. Baby steps. But definitely try it. Not only will you feel excitement and pride for the "accomplishment" but you will also be one step closer to living your life fully.

Grace peace and love,
Gia

Fear Factor pt 1

I'm a scary person...the psychologist in me attributes some of this to a very careful personality, some to exposure to domestic violence as a child and then some to just general life experiences (mine and the stories of others).

I've determined...apparently, to start battling these fears. I'm not sure when it really happened. Maybe earlier this year when I told God that I was tired of being afraid and to take the fear from me, maybe/maybe not...I really don't know- all I know is that I'm finding that I'm intentionally putting myself (or allowing myself) in some pretty "scary" situations with the hope of confronting and overcoming it.

One of the most recent of these challenges is my fear of cats. Yes. the innocent little house animals that millions of people have for pets. In this instance, this is ALL environment. My mom hates them. Most people I grew up around hates them...more accurately afraid of them. My husband, my mother-in-law....you name the role and I'll get a "ewww" response.

My roommate---not so much. She loves them. She's barely into her 3rd decade of life and she's probably had at least 5 cats...yes, I see cat-lady in her future. ;)) But nonetheless, she got one over the summer and while I was away, I have been pumping myself up for this cohabitation. Well, hopefully a cohabitation and not a show-down. Yes me and the cat.

Tabby in the desk drawer

The cat in question is Tabitha. Tabby Banks. Tabbers. Tabs. Tabby wabby (as I sometimes now affectionately call her). She is cute. Like very cute (even for a cat). Although, nowhere near as cute as my Ari..but super cute nonetheless. She's also the sweetest, most loveable, like seriously needy animal out there. If she could be cuddled and coddled and curled up in your arms/lap/legs for 24 hours, she would. Well minus the one-two hours each day of random uncontrollable play hunting that she does (she's only about 5 months).

curled up for nap time

But the first week or so here was rough...even with this super duper cute, harmless, very small animal. I was deathly afraid. I knew I'd get over it and I am honestly still in process. But it wasn't easy. She always wanted to be around me. I commented to friends that her goal was to become BFFs when I only wanted amicable acquaintanceship   :D But she is a persistent little love bug. In the words of Steve Urkel "She's wearing me dowwwwnnn". And so I relented. A little bit. I touched her. I didn't squeal everytime she came near me. I didn't  run away when she would approach me. I allowed her to touch me..only the parts where clothes covered of course! And now, 3 weeks later, I can even pick her up and cuddle for a couple seconds.

Mind you, she still kinda freaks me out. She is just too quick, has no limits (can jump any heights) and too agile. :shudders: but she means no harm, it is all innate natural cat behaviour.

Some may say, this was unnecessary but it was pure unadulterated fear. I knew I was being silly but....:shrugs:

Are you afraid of something like I am of cats? Share with us in the comments section below. Don't be shy or embarrassed, we all have something that brings the "irrational" out in us.

I'll be back with the lesson from this on-going experience next week.

Grace peace and love,
Gia

Square peg, round hole

I am, for all intents and purposes, a passionate person. When I love, I love hard. I when I hurt, I hurt hard. When I feel....well lets just say, it can be dramatic. As I get older and wiser, I've learned to tone down the drama (emotional) but recently, I've shifted the energy and now in pursuit of the real, meaningful beat of my heart. Pursuing the reason why I was born. The thing that makes me feel alive. I'm clearly not talking about the sexual, romantic, erotic "passion" that is portrayed and dramaticized in pop culture. I'm talking about so much more.

There is no substitute. It is a driving force, a motivator unlike none other. It is God-given. We've all got it...even if we have it locked up somewhere inside of us...It sits, waiting to be unleashed. Sometimes, because we stifle our pursuits or tailor our lives for what is "reasonable" or what is lucrative, we miss out. Simple as that.

At the heart of passion, is purpose and if we are honest with ourselves, at the heart of purpose is our Creator. He made us with a purpose and a calling and He has given us the talents, desires and individual resources to make it happen..or at the very least, we've got an innate DESIRE (passion) to make it happen. Sometimes the other resources are only revealed, when we begin to walk in faith toward it.

What are you passionate about? What makes your heart sing? or What makes you a geek? ;) You know, you can do this (or talk about this) for hours and not feel weary? Not tired, because that's a physical state that shows our humanness..but weary. You know that I'm sooooo tired and drained and near dead that most of us feel when we try to be and do what we weren't made for. square peg in a round hole syndrome.

What were you made to do...are you square? round? star? or even an octagon? :D


Grace peace and love,
Gia

What are you hoping for?

Yesterday, I spent a good chunk of time (at least 3.5 hrs) working on my dissertation proposal. YaY me! That is huge ya'll...seriously. Anyway, my dissertation (final research project for a doctoral degree) is on hope. I'm proposing a new way to think about hope..more than just a feeling or a soft-feel-good-word.

Being engrossed in all that literature about hope, made me think of my own hopes...[Not to bore you] In my proposal, hope is a process (not a state). It is something that changes. It involves our feelings, our thoughts, our actions and even influences from external sources (other people).  I suggest that to truly hope, you have identified a goal (object, event or thing) that you are hoping for. It is for the future (immediate, mid or distant). You not only identify the goal, but you have identified ways to get the goal. You can't "hope" for something to happen without a plan...that's just mushy feelings. You also can't hope for something, with a plan and not do something to make it happen...or get the help of others to make it happen, that's just lazy (unless of course you've already done your part and now you are waiting). With that in mind, it is possible to be hopeful and still have feelings of doubt. I'll admit that my levels of hope toward the goal of finishing this doctorate has waned every now and again. ;)

To hope requires our conscious thought and actions but it usually starts with a dream. You've got to identify something to be hopeful toward.

What about you..what are you hoping for?

If you find that you do not have any hope, close your eyes and dream. You can *think* about the dream later...but just be free. What are your passions? What do you love doing? What do you feel is missing?

As the letter says above...I believe there is ALWAYS hope. My greatest hope is in God. His word says that those who hope in Him will never be ashamed. The hope I have in Him, is that He is who He says He is. That He will do everything that He says He will do. That I am everything He has said I am. From that hope, I'm free to have another hundred (or more) hopes. :D

Grace peace and love,
Gia

Thirsty

I got news after a beautiful meditation last week that one of our country's politicians had suddenly died. Imagine having such a beautiful quiet time to be rocked with news of the uncertainty of life. It was weird. Well, more accurately, it was sad and sobering. Not because I knew him but because he was young and seemingly healthy and it was sudden.

I heard the news on the way to the shower and as I usually use my shower time, I just prayed. Except the prayer wasn't really a prayer. It was something of a yearning. I thought about how, this young man (early 40's) had served a term(5 years) as a member of parliament, how he had served as minister of youth, sports and culture and inevitably, how he had impacted lives. And that made me think about my own life. Have I made an impact? I love talking about purpose and living passionately but is that reflected in my actions? Is all this "doing" amounting to something? What would be the story, if I was to die today.

I don't need to make national news but I'd want my death to impact someone's life other than my husband, family and friends. From time to time, I reflect on Dr. Myles Munroe's seemingly favorite phrase: dying empty. I can be somewhat morbid in my thinking, particularly of late as death has become more real to me.  Not that I'm sick but maybe because of age, or proximity or consciousness...I don't know. My husband hates when I get on this line of thinking/conversation because it is really uncomfortable to think about. But since the first time I heard Dr Munroe talk about it, it has rattled me. It has awoken a hunger, a yearning for me to live my best life.

In my devotions (Girlfriends in God), one of the authors has been talking about the glory yearn. In Jeremy Statton's blog, he constantly shares about people who are living better stories. I'm drawn to posts and stories and messages such as these. These posts continue to challenge me, to make me aware that the "feeling" I experience so regularly isn't boredom, it is, in its most raw form, a dissatisfaction, a longing for something more. It's the "deep calling out to deep" (Psalm 42:7 KJV). I want to know more of God. I want to fulfill his calling.

I was trying to put into words what this meant and found a response that best resonates with my understanding/use of the phrase:
"It is a poetic way of refering to the deepest, most intimate, heart of someone crying out to know the deepest part of another." -user from yahoo answers

Are you feeling unsettled? Looking for "more"? It's the deep cry of your heart. Even if you haven't yet identified that "feeling", what are your thoughts about your legacy? What story would be told of you after you die? and who would tell this story? I receive the challenge and share it with you to pursue passion and purpose and fulfill that longing...it is God-given and will bring you back to Him. (Psalm 42)

Grace peace and love,
Gia

Juggling life

There is so much going on but yet it seems that nothing is happening. Have you ever had that feeling? It is the staple feeling of the over-multi-tasker. Clearly that is not a word/term/phrase but we know that these people exist.


I know that things are progressing but oh, isn't there something so liberating, so affirming in the check mark. You know what I mean, whether it is a mental, electronic or a hand-written list...there is nothing like saying "check"!

So what am I working on?

• Trying to get It's Girl Time business license (more about this soon)
• Finishing some transcription analysis (research for school)
• Attempting to complete an outline for my dissertation (woohoo- final project for PhD)
• Early stages of planning a party (1st official client for Girl Time)
• Finding a house to lease in Nassau*
• Finding an apartment to rent in Canada*

*While these last two are not at the forefront of my activities, these are major decisions that I am in the midst of negotiating/pursuing, even from a distance. Side note: I feel horrible that I'm here in Nassau and needing to find a new apt in Canada, which is most urgent, since I'm homeless after August 31. The worse is that I won't even be back in Canada before this time. This means I'm trusting someone else to not only secure the place but move all my stuff. Talk about nerve wracking huh? As a testimony of my own growth, I am not at all freaked out. God has blessed me with an awesome roomate so is taking the lead with this stuff and although I honestly really have no control over what happens between now and September 4th when I arrive in Canada, I trust that all is well. [sorry about that very long side note].

Going back to the list, I should add that I've got another paper that needs my attention for a first complete draft (no deadline but it is hanging over my head like a dark cloud), and I would love to finish, or at least read another couple chapters from the Michael Hyatt book that I shared from a couple weeks ago.

wooh! Writing all that out was a task...who knew all that was going on?!?!

 I'm happy, that in the midst of juggling those balls [+ hubby time, me time, family time, church time, God time (in no particular order)], I'm still not overwhelmed.  When it gets overwhelming, I usually have to stop, drop and prioritize. That is, simply pick the most important or the one with the closest deadline and work on that first. However, it's never quite that easy. I seriously lothe that feeling of overwhelmed. I guess because I'm a multi-tasker by nature, when I get overwhelmed...I get OVERWHELMED. It's dramatic. It's a big deal. It is a time waster...you know, trying to get all the emotions calmed and thoughts sorted out. :sigh:

So in an effort to not get overwhelmed, I've decided to minimize my activities today to two things:

The first of which is finishing the transcriptions, which are due tomorrow and then finishing the proposal for the first Girl Time client. There are still some holes and this need to be provided to the parent by Thursday at the latest.

I don't always get it right (or remember) but I try to consciously invite the Holy Spirit into the activities of my day for that is where true purpose comes in. I don't want to miss divine appointments...you know those opportunities where in the midst of the regular, I can be used...for a word of encouragement, message of hope, opportunity to share, praying for someone....whatever and however.  I'm looking forward to a productive and purpose-filled day for myself today!

What's on your agenda for today? Are you a mult-tasker like I am, or are you a step-by-step, do one thing at a time organizer? Whichever category you fall in, I declare that today is a productive and purpose-filled day. 

Grace peace and love,

Gia

School, hair and wifedom

In September of 2008, I had a brilliant idea…I would go ahead and apply (again) for a doctoral program. A little background. I completed my Masters in Mental Health/Counseling Psychology in December 2004. At that point, I was gung-ho on only taking a one year hiatus to work and catch myself financially and then dive right into the pursuit of my doctoral degree in Counseling Psychology. Well about half-way into that year of work, I missed my baby and decided to pack up everything and go home (Bahamas). Even though I returned home, the plan was still to return to school within the next year…at this point it was April and much too late to pursue school in ’05 so I would figure something out.

I stumbled upon the new trend of online universities and in Winter/Spring of ’06, I enrolled and completed my first semester in Walden’s PhD program in Clinical Psychology. That lasted all but one semester. I failed to mention that in between this year, I had also gotten relevant information to begin applying at other programs however, either I didn’t pursue the full application because I didn’t have enough money or I wasn’t qualified enough.

I jumped back on this school thing and adjusted my options. Maybe a clinical or counseling program wasn’t absolutely necessary since I had such a strong foundation at the Masters level. Truthfully I was working, quite competently for the past 3 years with a Masters degree. So this began another series of research and applications. Long story short, that “baby” who I came home to, proposed in May 2007 and we were married in April 2008. Excitedly embraced the role of wife which ha been both fulfilling and frustrating- sometimes both at once! After 6 months of marriage, the school itch kicked in.

As the good wife, I consulted with hubby (who will be referred to as hubster, sweets or DH) about the application processes, fees and my tentative plan. My ‘brilliant’ plan was that I would actually go ahead and apply to 3 schools (later changed to 4) between Canada and US. The key to this would be- I would actually follow through and complete all applications- even if my scores from my GRE (which were about to expire) wasn’t high enough, or the programs required more experience than I had or the school just looked “too good” for me, I would send in everything required. If I was offered admission- fat chance- I would only accept IF there was no cost to us, i.e. entire tuition would be covered. Of course, because we are neither US nor Canadian citizens, there would be additional costs associated with moving, living etc but my main prereq would be tuition cost defrayed...now I don’t know how impossible of a feat this sounds to you, but to both DH and I, this was next to walking on water. Well ironically enough, I not only got accepted, but I got offered a scholarship and a GA position that would inevitably provide enough to cover the entirety of tuition costs!!!! Go figure! Of course, being the faith-filled believer that I am, I do believe that Jesus walked on water, but I think I sometimes forget that miracles are still available to us who believe, love and follow God today!

Somewhere during this application process (January 2009), I cut off my hair to pursue a chemical-free life style…well as it relates to hair. So I have what is affectionately called a TWA –teeny weeny afro which, at the time of the big cut was about 3 inches and now is fluffing out to about 6 inches…major milestone in my life especially since there was some opposition…well better described as criticism from sweets.

To date I have:

Accepted offer for admission, GA and scholarship from school

Applied for an external scholarship and currently waiting on response

Visited school and surrounding area and found a house for rent

Sent in signed lease along with deposit to the house (which both of us absolutely love)

Undergone necessary tests, medical intrusions, lengthy interviews and paid half my savings to complete the procces of applying for a Canadian study permit

Made contact with advisor and registered for fall semester

Made contact with ‘buddy’ who is a 2^nd year student who’s function is to help my transition go as smoothly as possible – she’s AWESOME and been extremely helpful already

Arranged for utilities (electricity and water) to be connected as of September 1

Undergone verbal harassment from ‘loved ones’ who feel I’m making the biggest mistake of my life which will ultimately destroy my marriage

Applied for vacation leave which was confirmed

Applied for paid study leave which was declined

Applied for unpaid study leave which is being processed

Decided on a date for departure- September 3

Ok…I personally hate reading long entries and this is about a chapter for a dissertation so I’ll stop here but I think my purpose was achieved- you should be all caught up on what I’ve been writing about for the past 7 months.