Lessons learned from a newborn- part 2

Once I'm living and breathing, I want to learn. 

To this end, I've made a personal commitment to myself to find lessons in every (or as many) of my life experiences as possible. As a 30-something new mom, I found myself overwhelmed...with love and stress at the same time as each moment since July 31st, 2013 presented a new and sometimes unpredictable experience. :) As I reflected, I realized that the lessons I learned in the past two months really could be applicable to many instances where we are faced with challenges or an overwhelming, new experience.  If this is your first time stumbling upon this blog, or haven't visited in awhile, you can find Part 1 here.

So here we goooo....

girls day out

Third, set reasonable goals/expectations for yourself. In my example, I found that Daelyn Grace would not be put down for a significant period of time, so I had to give up  trying to do anything major. I quickly learned the beauty of those baby carriers/slings for being mobile and keeping my hands free but it was still only so much I could do. Instead of bucking my head constantly to the wall because I wasn't getting to keep the house spik-and-span, nor could I finish a report for a project I started in my internship, I learned to take what I could get; do what I could and keep it moving. More important (and more reasonable) goals were eating, keeping hydrated, resting and keeping myself clean. Those were big enough challenges to add the "other stuff". And to be honest, at the end of the day life kept moving on.  

Fourth, don't compare your situation to others.  Its unnecessary frustration. While there are similarities which bond us together as humans (see point #2), each of us is unique.  We have different personalities/temperament, different past experiences, different resources...and the list goes on. Each of these differences creates a somewhat personalized experience for each of us. Learn from others' experiences and the experts, but recognize that while these may be helpful, it may not be a perfect fit. Find what works for you and make no apologies about pursuing that solution.

Fifth, find time for yourself away from situation. This may be more specific to my experience, but even if your challenge/experience is not a tangible thing...sometimes we get so caught up that we ruminate.  "Rumination is defined as the compulsively focused attention on the symptoms of one's distress, and on its possible causes and consequences" -thanks Wikipedia! Essentially in this 5th lesson, I'm challenging you to step away, to stop thinking/stressing over the problem. Distract yourself -not to the extent that you never face it- but to the point that it does not consume you. At this point, you can no longer think straight and honestly, we end up in unhealthy thought and behavioral patterns.  For me, I had to learn that great moms know and accept that they need help and they need breaks/time alone and when I do get those breaks to not sit and worry over what baby is doing. ;))

That's it! Well, wait...since this is Canadian thanksgiving- I guess there is one more lesson...find something to be thankful for. I know this is similar to point #1, where I urge you to give yourself a hug but the difference is, here you are now taking inventory of the good that exists...maybe its the helpful friend/family member, maybe its the fact that you are getting paid and are financially stable despite the circumstances. Maybe its the roof over your head, the food in your belly or for me, my husband, my new baby, my loveable dog and the plethora of those I call family (blood or otherwise).

Grace, peace, love and a grateful heart,
Gia

Lessons learned...

Look at that fro! Never again will I underestimate the time, energy and skill it takes to sport a tight fro. Here is mine as I went to church last night.... and I thought it was a hot mess because everytime I looked in the mirror at the back, I saw that it wasn't.....well fixed. It wasn't even or clean all around.

Well this post isn't all about fros...its the lessons learned, the things I never realized about natural hair or caring for natural hair until recently. Its those things that probably makes most of our childhood experiences quite...hmmm unpleasurable when we think of our hair experiences 'before-relaxer' days!

What I learned:

• I should NEVER comb my hair dry....that is unless it was already detangled and not sitting for any long periods of time. i.e. even this morning as I attempted to braid up my hair, I had to part into sections and then using my spray bottle damp my hair before trying to comb through (and detangle again) before attempting the braids. Why is this? well first of all, despite popular belief my hair is curly..its just the curls are uber small and thus they get tangled very very easily. So its not a matter of hard vs. soft hair...(any hair can be soft if its properly moisturized), its just that us black women with 4b (coily/springy/cottony/kinky texture) has to be more careful about how and when we try to rake a comb especially a :gasp: fine-tooth comb through these tresses. So to create my fro style, I also damp my hair with a spray bottle before using the handy dandy afro-pik!


• I should NEVER try to run the comb through my hair from root to tip. Now this may sound like a given, but I can't tell you how many times, even when my hair was relaxed and I had new growth that I would try this method. Its just not the method of combing for anyone whose hair has texture. Its definitely better to begin at the tip and work backward to the root.


• I should NEVER try to comb my hair all at once. Another 'given' but I've done it and seen others attempt also. Now most times, we attempt with a wide tooth comb but even that can be detrimental i.e. pulling out hair unnecessarily. its best to divide and conquer. the smaller the better. The exception may be trying to create the aforementioned fro. But by the time, I'm creating the fro, my hair is already detangled and the divide and conquer session was already done.


• I don't need to comb my hair. Now this is not me being nasty or any other derrogatory term we use for people who don't comb their hair. Becuase my hair is still under 10 inches long, my fingers are excellent detanglers. Furthermore, now that I'm natural, not every style I need a comb for. I remember the first 3-4 months after I cut, my hair never met a comb unless I was experimenting with a style at home.


• Water is my friend! I was the queen of washing my hair ONCE per month. If it was a good month, maybe twice...but never more than that. Somehow I became to believe that washing my hair was of the devil. Well, its not the washing or the water that could be bad- its the ingredients in certain shampoos. So now I wash my hair whenever I please (once, twice or every day per week) but very rarely do I use shampoo and if I do use shampoo, its a sulfate-free product and I alwasy follow up with a conditioner. When I wash without shampoo, I use conditioner (any old cheap one I can find) and I use that to lather/scrub my scalp. who knew huh?


• Water is my friend! no, this is not a mistake, I meant typing that twice. not only is water helpful for cleansing purposes but water is moisture. Moisture = happy, healthy and soft manageable hair. I also prefer how my hair looks when its moisturized. It has more definition (i.e. curl pattern), more sheen (cause my hair doesn't shine naturally) and like I said...I just like how it looks.


• Everything that claims to be a moisturizer -isn't. Now there are some technical parts of this explanation that I don't feel quite fit to explain but let me say this. Stuff like grease, pink oil moisturizer that contains either mineral oil or petroleum only sits on the top of the hair shaft and makes it feel greasy. But this isn't beneficial to the actual hair. :shrugs shoulders: I've chosen to just avoid these ingredients whenever possible and try to use products that are water-based and ingredients like shea butter, aloe vera gel and some natural oils (coconut, safflower, olive, tea tree etc...) in attempts at moisturizing in my hair.

That's all I can think of right now! and besides, I have to go get ready. I just got offered a FREE ticket to the Miss Universe Pageant being held in t-4 hours. As I mentioned, I actually braided my hair because we (hubby and I) were supposed to go to the beach, now I have to find a dress, hope that the braids make a cute, well-defined braid out and just get all purty for this event! woohooo

smooches!