when things don't go as planned

This week has been challenging. Between the normal busyness, physically and mentally, I have also been a bit beat.  I had to accept that one of my goals just was not going to be realized...well at least not in the time frame that I had planned and it was quite the disappointment.

What do we do when life doesn't go as planned:

1. Acknowledge. It makes no sense to pretend disappointment doesn't exist. Or that the unachieved goal or thwarted plan has not impacted you. It happened, it hurt....now what?

2. Grieve. It sounds dramatic, especially since we normally associate grieving with death, but it is an accepted process that when individuals are faced with significant disappointments, it is natural to grieve.  This is not the pity party..."oh life isn't working out for me. Nothing ever happens good." blah blah blah...this is a time (that goes hand in hand with #1), where you can acknowledge that your goal was not attained and the fact that that sucks.  For me this week, I grieved and battled feelings of failure, disappointment and sadness.

3. Reflect. What are the lessons learned? Nothing happens by chance. It is usually a product of our activity or lack thereof. What could have been done differently? This is, once again, not the call to wallow in what should have been but I am a firm believer in that our past holds the key to our future. We must acknowledge, understand and accept what has happened in order to truly move forward as a more informed person. Remember: Reflect not reside.

4. Regroup. Here we are moving forward. My friend, Path Coach Kaylus, would say seek clarity on your next steps by identifying questions that need illuminating.  Some of my questions:
Do I want to try the same goal again in light of current circumstance?
Is it worth it?
Do I still want "it"?
Is this the right timing?
Is there another way to go about this?

4. Redefine. In this step, I identify the new goal. The "new goal" could be the same goal with different parameters. Different timelines. Different sources of help to achieve.  To truly redefine, I will incorporate the lessons I learned and the answers to my regrouping questions so that I can carve out a plan for moving forward that is practical, relevant and attainable.

Talking this through to you, has helped me. I was stuck somewhere between step 3 and 4.

Oh! I should note, if you are at this stuck point because of failed or unrealized goals/dreams and cannot move through these steps alone, definitely seek coaching.

Grace peace and love,

Life as a puzzle

Every now and again, purpose would slap me upside my face and I'd smile because I realize this is a part of me emptying myself so that whenever it is my time to die, I know I would have fulfilled what God placed me on this Earth for.

So you may be asking, what exactly does "purpose slapping me upside my face" look like? 

It looks like my original plan for my dissertation being too big and my first draft falling flat. 

It looks like me taking a step back to my original plan and remembering that I wanted to explore life as an "orphan". 

It looks like me getting an opportunity to do some volunteer work (learned about this in November) with girls who are orphaned and me being over-the-moon excited about it. So excited, I was like..."why didn't I think of that"?  

It looks like me asking myself and then God, why is it that this group of individuals pulls to me the way they do. 

Then it looks like, a friend suggesting that I work with her to potentially counsel orphans (got this request last week).  By the way, the friend knew nothing of the changes to the dissertation which came in November, neither was she aware that I will be volunteering with this group for another project next weekend.  She just thought of me as an ideal person for the task at hand.

It is not by chance, or even not by my own doing that all of these opportunities are presenting themselves. This is purpose slapping me upside the face. I'm still waiting on the full "understanding" from God about the extent of my involvement (now and in the future) with this group of individuals. I've been even wondering if this is the direction for Mercy House (not first time I've had that thought either).

I love when it happens like this...just like the pieces of the puzzle of life coming together. Some people say they don't know what their purpose is. I believe that if we take 2nd and sometimes 3rd looks around us, we can see how our talents/passions can make a change.  We can also see how we are drawn to certain things, people or groups. Somehow, like me, it just so happens that multiple opportunities present itself over and over and so you find yourself doing something that you enjoy, and never actually pursued it. That's purpose slapping you over the head.

I was so taken with this post on JeremyStatton.com this morning, that I decided to just redirect my readers there....(click title below for full post). For me, the last bullet points (white background) just made my heart scream "YES!"

Excerpt taken from the post To die is to live. Enjoy.

"The point is to be fully alive.

• To focus on doing the things that will matter forever.
• To understand the value of time and stop wasting it.
• To silence distractions.
• To focus on relationships.
• To realize that some risks are too important not to take.
• To stop worrying about failing and to start doing.
• To love because in the end, there is nothing else."

Grace peace and love,
Gia

Remaining focused Part II

If you remember from last week, my main work instrument as a full time grad student was giving me problems.

I'm reporting now from my brand new MacBook Pro. Yup...your girl got an early Christmas present (thanks Babes! and thank you Jesus!).

However, amidst the praise report (see here), there were other factors at play that I missed.  Without going into the gory details, lets just say, I thought that this computer was all about me. You know, its MY dissertation that needed to be proposed, conducted and defended. It's MY Ph.D that is on the line. It's MY primary means to get this stuff done. That is actually what I said in defense of my behavior as I was being pretty stubborn in a discussion with hubby and this was causing some discord between us.

In my time of being so focused on trusting God for one situation, I forget about other things...you know, that there is an enemy whose mission is to kill, steal and destroy.  So while I was having some "victory" in one aspect of this situation, my guard was down and I was oblivious to the other forms of attack.  If my roommate and I didn't have the talk that we did, I can now see how a very simple situation could have grown and created a rift. Side note: It is always amazing how that happens in relationships. It takes so long to build a strong one, but in seconds it could be punctured leaving the wounded open to hurt, mistrust, unforgiveness, resentment...yes the list goes on and on.

The conversation was definitely a reminder to stay focused....as I said last week, to focus on our Father who is provider, protector, sustainer...anything you need Him to be.  In addition, I needed to be aware (not necessarily focused), that there is a real enemy with a plan for our life too (1 Peter 5:8-9).

I'm not one to go on about "the enemy" and all that, not because I don't believe that we have an enemy but I would much prefer to talk about what God is doing and what He has promised me when the enemy sets himself to attack (Isaiah 59:19; John 10:10; Ephesians 6:10-18; Revelation 12:11).

So today, as a part of my "overcoming", I have shared my testimony (Revelation 12:11). ;)

Take home message: Be alert and particularly careful about your relationships- these are the core of the human experience. Too easily and too often, we allow our conversation or actions to cause small holes in the most important relationships. Unfortunately, it is much easier to make a hole bigger than it is to close it up.

Grace peace and love,
Gia