walking the talk...

For as long as I can remember, I've talked about gratitude and peace. As with everything, its always easy to talk; however the weight of it is experienced during "tests". At this time we see whether or not that which we've been talking about is truly what we are walking out.

True story. :)

Last week I found myself sitting in a borrowed car that wouldn't start, trying my hardest to remain composed. I was done. Just over it. Ready to scream. This was not the first time since I borrowed the car  that it chose to not start. However, this was only Day 3 that I had the car and this is a car, that for as long as my sister has had it, has NEVER given her problems. It was a really rough moment.
Here is a snippet of my inner dialogue.

[literally] talking to myself: "Come on Gia, take a deep breath. Its okay."
slowly look around and think to self after a couple slow deep breaths

"I guess it could be worse..."

Then IT happened. The shift.

In that one statement and action (slowing down, regulating my emotions) my thoughts went to this: "wow. I'm stuck but its in a well lit busy gas station, on a main road, less than 15 minutes from home. My husband isn't available, but my dad is and he is on his way. The weather is cool, so Daelyn Grace is comfortable as she is sleeping in her car seat in the back seat. I've got battery life on my phone to make calls if necessary." 

I then realized that I was literally okay. 

From this way of thinking, I had plenty to be thankful for...safety, support/help, alternative means of getting home, sanity (baby sleeping and comfortable)...etc etc etc

Did my new shift in thinking change the conditions? No.  the car still didn't start.
Was I still bummed that the car I borrowed, was giving me problems? - yes

But in my disappointment, I refused to get all upset and burdened by something I had no control over. I chose to adjust my thinking and literally stay positive.

I then moved on. Made necessary arrangements for car to be dealt with (all that was within my control), then let it go.

I wish that was all to this story but later that week, a similar occurrence happened as I found myself driving buttercup (my "new" SUV) after  it just came from mechanic (getting an expensive engine head) and realized that it still wasn't drivable because now the brakes weren't holding.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh seriously... AGAIN????????

I'll admit. It wasn't as easy to adjust and shift now. In fact, a day later I'm still fighting to choose gratitude and peace over frustration and worry. I got a timely reminder from my mom though. In a simple one sentence text, she acknowledged the trend of unfortunate events, but reminded me to still give thanks. 

As I reluctantly forced myself to find something (anything) to be thankful for in this never-ending expensive saga, I actually found a couple things. I was thankful that the battery died BEFORE it tore the belt possibly resulting in a very bad outcome if it occurred while driving. I was also thankful that although the brakes weren't holding, the time and day I was driving meant that there was virtually no other cars on the road, and still in full day light so there was no need for sudden braking. pretty big deals huh? yea I know.

So I've been super conscious to not complain. To not go through the self-pity route. To not sit and worry about what could be or should be. 

Hopefully your days, week, season has been a little easier than mine, if not- join me as I've decided to simply:

1. ask for grace [serenity] to accept that which I cannot change (i.e. move on, let go).

2. ask for the insight, resources, and energy to make changes/correct/fix that which I can

3. and finally, I've asked for wisdom to know the difference.

Grace peace and love,

Gia